Erin: I think I'm going to take a shower.
Me: Why don't you take a bath?
Me: Go for it. Your back hurts. It's early. The kids and I will play. It'll be great.
Erin: I couldn't.
Me: You must.
She heads upstairs. I hear the bath run. I'm pleased this hard-working, beautiful, pregnant woman will finally get a bit of quiet time to soak and relax. Henry, Jane and I sit at the kitchen table spelling delicious words with letter-shaped pretzels. Suddenly....
Henry: I have to poo.
Me: No you don't.
Henry: (thinks about it for a moment) Yes, I do.
We have one bathroom. This means he'll have to interrupt Erin's quiet soak.
I take him up. We break into Mummy's den of silence. I set him up for what is normally a long sit on the can.
Me: Erin, I'm so sorry, but he's going to be a few minutes. Jane's downstairs and needs a bit of company. Just call when he's done and I'll take care of it.
I return to the pretzel game. Jane gets bored. We head to the couch to read some books. A few minutes pass.
Me: (yelling upstairs) Are you done yet, Hen?
Henry: (faintly) Nope.
I continue reading with Jane. Out of the blue -- perhaps she didn't enjoy my rendition of The Gruffalo -- she kicks me in the groin.
Me: Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...
Henry: I'm done!
Me: Ow ow ow ow ow ow...
I hobble up the stairs and throw open the door to the bathroom. Erin's telling Henry not to stand up. He stands up. I rush to clean his dirty bum. Jane enters the room singing "Happy Birthday!" at the top of her lungs. I'm still moaning in pain. Henry is complaining about Jane being in His bathroom.
Erin: (rising from the tepid water) Great idea. A bath.