This is a letter we found sitting on the kitchen table when we returned home from our trip. It smelled vaguely of tuna and Brut.
Dear Nice-Smelling One,
You are not here. It took me 3 or 4 nights to realize this. I try not to concern myself terribly with the affairs of the bipeds. But eventually, you absence became obvious. Your bed stopped smelling like you. Distantly, the smell was still there, but it was fading. I peed and pooped there in order to fill the scent void.
After the realization of the bed scent, I started paying closer attention. I noticed it was quiet. No screaming or anything. Also, I had not been chased in many days.
I've dreamed of the bipeds leaving before. Mostly, I think about the Tall, Dumb-Looking One and The Small Ones Who Make Too Much Noise leaving. In my dreams, you stay. As I say, you smell nice. And you scoop my litter promptly.
I pooped on the small ones' beds too.
Somewhere around Day Six I realized that Someone had been filling my food bowl. Then, I noticed a strange biped coming in and out, opening windows, turning on lights, filling my bowl. He smelled Very Bad and dressed in trailer park fur. When he came, I hid for many hours, despite his calling of "Kitty kitty kitty..."
If you do return, I have prepared a feast to welcome you home: a big, juicy mouse awaits you on your bed (beside the pee and poo).
Yours in Fur,
Joan the Cat