I used to have eleven toes: A late Valentine's memory

Grade 10. A conversation with my then girlfriend.

Her: I love you.

Me: Oh, wow. I think I love you too.

Her: Really?

Me: Really.

Her: No one has ever felt like this before.

Me: I even love the baby toe on your left foot.

Her: You can have it.

Me: No foolin'?

Her: It's yours.

Me: Wow. Like, I can do with it whatever I want?

Her: Whatever you want.

Me: Like, cut it off?

Her: Um... I would hope you would chose not to.

Me: Riiight. So, we're talking, forever?

Her: Forever.

Me: My toe?

Her: Your toe.

Me: Even if we break up?

Her: Yup. But that'll never happen.

We broke up a month later.

Valentine's Day the next year, her new boyfriend confronted me in the hallway of our school.

Boyfriend: I have to talk to you.

Me: Uh, ok.

He took me to a quiet corner of the cafeteria.

Boyfriend: I need the toe.

Me: The toe? (realizing what he meant) Oh! The toe! You can have it. It's yours. I don't want it.

Boyfriend: No, it can't happen like that. I must pay you for the toe.

Me: Um...

Boyfriend: Five bucks.

Me: Ok. Should we draw up some sort of contract, or receipt?

Boyfriend: Oh, yeah. She'd love that.

Me: Yes... she would.


Unknown said...

So did you really draw up the receipt? Sounds like a very interesting girl.

Unknown said...

We wrote up a contract. I seem to recall it included the word, "Hereby", and we both concluded she would like that, too.