I have so much to teach the next generation

Saturday morning. Erin has taken Jane to her dance class. Henry and Alice decide they'd like to do a bit of homeschoolin'. These days, they get in the schoolin' zone by way of the bus, which oddly resembles a line of chairs in the dining room.

I sit in the head chair. Henry and Alice wait patiently beside me.

Me: (stepping hard on the brake) SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

I open the bus door.

Me: What?

Henry: You're the bus driver. We'd like to go to school, please.

Me: OK. Get on. Sit down quick, I ain't waiting here forever.

They sit in the chairs behind me.

Me: Hold on.

I close the door, slam the bus into first gear, and give 'er the gas.

Me: VROOOOOOOOOOOOM! (change gear) VROOOOOOOOOOM! (change gear) VRRROOOOOOM! (wrench the wheel to the right) SCREEEEEEECH!

Alice: This fast.

Henry: Mum doesn't normally drive the bus like this.

Me: You're mother's not here. (change gear) VROOOOOOOOM!

I look behind us.

Me: Oh, great. The Fuzz.

Henry: What's "the Fuzz"?

Me: The Cops, man. Let's lose 'em.

Alice: Cops, man.

We drive as fast as our yellow bus can go, turning screeching fishtails around every corner. Henry flaps his hands in excitement.

Henry: (glancing back) They're still following us!

Me: I have an idea.

I turn toward a stretch of road that heads toward the river.

Me: The bridge is up. (eyes narrow) Just as I suspected. 

Alice: Cops, man!

Me: VROOOOOOOOM! (change gears) VROOOOOM! We're going to jump the bridge! Hold on, kids!

We speed to the edge of the open bridge and soar through the air, taking note of the many boats and sharks below.

Me: (shaking violently as we land) GOOOSH!  We made it! Henry, are the cops still there?

Henry: They fell in the river!

Me: Yes!

We high five, then drive the rest of the way to school.

Later, we do a math sheet.


Dead Robot said...

Do you know how much I wish my office work started like this every day?

Jenna said...

I want to go to school with your kids.

F├╝rst said...

I bet Erin doesn't drive like that. Good thing, too. The kids have some sensible influence in their lives ;)

Craig Wesley said...

Edge-of-the-seat stuff, Dave. Not sure if I'll be getting over the trauma anytime soon. Are you actually *licensed* to drive that bus?

Unknown said...

DR - can't you do this on the subway?

Jenna - come on over!

Furst - I AM the sensible one.

Craig - ha! License. I'd like to see them try to stop me.