I am a bad person with great teeth

We have a new dentist. Which is good. Before my appointment with him, I hadn't been in... a while.

Erin had been  much more recently than I had, but she was still nervous about her visit. The woman takes terrific care of her teeth (brushing multiple times a day, flossing, rinsing...), but unfortunately, while her teeth look great, she has a history of problems.

After her visit.

Me: How'd it go?

Erin: He's really nice. Wonderful, actually. But I have to go back to take care of my cavities.

Me: Erg. When is the appointment?

Erin: Appointments. I have four.

Me: Four cavities?

Erin: No. Four appointments. I have so many cavities, they need to tackle them in groups.

It is not fair. At all. Making it even less fair is my experience in the same chair.

Dentist: OK. Looks great! You can go.

Me: What do you mean I can go? Don't I need an appointment for my cavities?

Dentist: You don't have any!

Me: Not one?

Dentist: Nope!

I start to freak out. Erin's not going to like this.

Me: You've got to give me something

Dentist: I've got nothing to give you! You've got healthy teeth.

Me: What about this spot here that I can feel with my tongue? Surely, that's a gaping cavity.

Dentist: Let's see.

He looks in my mouth.

Dentist: Oh, that's just a build-up of enamel on an old cap. Here, I can buff that off right now.

He gets out his polishing tool. In a moment, the bump is gone.

Me: (feeling the spot with my teeth) Hey, that's great!

Dentist: Just keep taking great care of your teeth. You do floss regularly, right?

Me: If by "regularly" you mean this morning and eight years ago before my last dentist appointment, then yes.

(Don't tell Erin any of this. I beg you.)


just us said...

My lips are sealed.

(That way you can't see my fillings)

karn said...

this is great. i'm crying right now... thank you for this :)

Jordan said...

If this is all just a fancy way of saying 'My wife doesn't ever read my blog,' then I think you're safe. But if there's any....oh crap SHE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Craig Wesley said...

I'll wager it's cake induced. Do you agree?

(BTW: the irony! my word verifier this time is "dediatyp"...isn't that a type of toothbrush for dental hypochondriacs?)